Celebrating Seven!

June 12, 2014

claire's bday2

“Happy Birthday Claire,” I whisper to her as she wakes to greet her seventh year of living the miracle that is her life. She smiles immediately and says “Am I seven?” And so begins her happy day of  birth.

But the truth is, I don’t celebrate this day. Birth day  is a bitter sweet memory.On that day I was happy,but the medical professionals were not. I was positive,but the  medical professionals were not. I cried tears of joy when I saw her sweet little face, and medical professionals reminded me that my joy would be fleeting…her life would be short lived.
Seven years later I sit in full view of the miracle before me. I fight the haunting of those days and choose to see all the happy of this day. She is the gift of this day, she is the joy that prevailed. She is the reason our lives have been made whole. We can’t listen to horror stories,or dismal words of a medical world that sometimes does not believe that God is bigger than any of all this.

claire's bday3

Truth be told I don’t celebrate Claire’s “birth day.”

I celebrate the very first breath that she was never supposed to breathe, I celebrate each and every moment of the life that God has placed in my presence.  I celebrate a life that was never supposed to be of quality.  I celebrate her full beautiful life today,because there are no guarantees of what tomorrow holds…that is what makes today and everyday a very precious celebration.

The truth about today is that I celebrate Claire’s life just as any other day and I see her proving that God is bigger than any of all this.

And as she fell to sleep this evening, she was smiling still, asking “Am I seven?” I said, “yes,you are seven.”  Closing her eyes with a sleepy smile she whispers “seven.”

Hello God in the celebration of today and the sleepy whispers of a growing miracle…Hello Butter

 

 

Claire's bday1

Best of Living

June 12, 2013

girls relay

The lump in my throat swelled as we rushed into the front gates of that stadium. Fans all yelling for teams running around the track, excitement thick in the air.
I see the blue & gold colors flash by as our girls team place in this race of whole state. Believing is to Be Living.

And more tears well in my eyes as we are witness to the first wheelchair race in history at a high school level. Claire cheers as they go by, my heart soars with hope knowing there is a chance she can compete one day.Believing is to Be Living.

A weekend in Columbus full of the accomplishment of many young athletes and coaches too as our own coach is honored for years of dedication to this sport of track & field.Believing is to Be Living.

 
Then to see medals placed around the necks of a poised team of four boys also dressed in blue and gold. United they are. Proud parents we are. Hard work and determination to achieve their own piece of history. A race to a set goal, just shy of reaching the record they stand on the podium to shine smiles that melt hearts. Moments to cherish, smiles to remember, races to show that Believing is to Be Living.

track

And today marks six years of racing with determination,faith and goals that were said to be impossible. But a special little soul has never quit running,never quit believing…She is six years old today.

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Claire6

Happy Birthday Claire! Thank you for inspiring me to believe because the best comes when you decide to not just believe but to be living.  Be Living full in the moments God has blessed us with. Believing is to Be Living.

beliving

Quote from Ann Voskamp @ www.aholyexperience.com

Claire’s Birthday Pictures by Kaptured by Kelly

Field of Laughter

May 28, 2013

These four of mine, they trudge out to the middle of that hay field to satisfy a mother’s need for remembering moments. My sister looking through the viewfinder seeing us all laugh at posing just so, and smiling on cue.

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She is Kaptured by Kelly and capture she does. Capturing moments this mother’s heart needs. Not just for the picture to be framed, but for the laughter of the day to sink deep into my soul, so that on days we are apart I can remember those special smiles we had out there in that field.

Small moments made big in my search for simple joy. Simple pure joy that fills a heart that overflows love. A kind of love that spills out when there are tough days. On days that we are separated by space or days when there is an empty house quiet and still.

On those days I will remember laughter in the field and remember God.

kaptured

kids1

How much He has blessed our lives with these four. He placed them together in this world for a reason. He knows their hearts and knew they were a perfect fit to be siblings. I knew this long ago. Only did not realize how much they would rise to the occasion of being special.

On that day the youngest quit breathing they were there. There to see her lying on the ground with life fading. They were there to wait at the end of the lane to show the ambulance the way back to her. And they knew how much I needed them to be strongly calm, so that when I flew in the helicopter with her I knew they would be ok.

michael&claire

Hard days like that help us grow even more into the family God wants us to be. He carefully chose each of us to be together through hard, sad, happy, laughing days.

So, when the girls jumped onto the brother’s back, I smiled knowing that is exactly how God would have it. Siblings sharing the load of a world together with love, with God…four siblings growing in a field of laughter.

kapturedbykelly

 

Copyright © 2011-2013 Hello Butter images & content

 

Scars Bared

November 26, 2012

Her shirt off and scars bared, no care in the world, only reading. Or imagining or just plain living in a world of five years old. She has learned far more than doctors diagnosed. She would be blind, deaf and unable to speak are words that echoed in my mind for awhile. Until she started to live, breathe and overcome or hurdle over all that stood and stands in her way.

A much needed breath of thanksgiving , after a holiday seizure tried to steal it away.

There in this morning sun, she reminds me of hope, hope for days of joy, peace and a love that transcends all understanding.

It is God here in this morning. God that shines through her naked, scarred body to read words that only she can see. Oh how grateful I am for these everyday miracles, smiling small moments of brilliant light. God’s light through her. Small moments big …Moments of Hello God Given Miracles…Hello Butter

1000 gifts…adding this and still counting…







 

© 2012 hellobutter

Small is Big

September 22, 2012

 What will I remember?

When my eyes have become tired and mind fading? What will I remember about these days of living full? Of life that passes so quick, of school routines,volleyball matches and football games played? When the nest is empty and the house is quiet and still?

What will I remember?

 I really won’t remember the avalanche of homework and paperwork sprawled throughout the house, or late night suppers thrown together, dirty dishes and clothes piled high. Mini vans full of left over food,gear and Gatorade bottles empty.

  Instead, I will remember the firsts of all the moments a kindergartener has. Her first day of school, her first teachers,the making of her first friends and her first smiles of a happy heart filled with dreams and  learning.

full of smiles

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Instead, I will remember the smiling first days of a junior high daughter,exciting and full of all things new. The changing of class,the learning of new games and new routines.

  I really won’t remember those news stories in the morning paper,that would make me wonder about one reporters views of hard-fought games.  Hard fought games under the Friday night lights that seems so big, but really in this full life how big is it?

Instead, I will remember my mom heart full of nerves but always calmed by the knowledge that God is on the football field too.

It is the small moments of the game that are the biggest. It is the small moments of this game I will remember. I will remember the small moments of Fridays with bananas and yellow tape and scrubbing white cleats clean,taking priority. The hugging of a player excited to go to the lights, the quick word of encouragement always with a “play like its your last” theme.

I really won’t remember the score, or the yards gained, or passes thrown or even the news headlines.

Instead, I will remember the heart, the character, and the witnessing of God making boys to men. God blessing the game with boys all heart, that grow up playing hard and running fast to a life that is full.

A life full of small moments made big.

Small moments of team helping each other up when they are down, moments of blood, sweat and tears. Small moments of wrapping my arms around a young man learning to win in more ways than a scoreboard will ever show.

I will remember the game,the player,the kindergartener, the 7th grader…all being full of small moments big and just how big God is, especially in the small. Especially in the living full.

I will remember to say Hello God…Hello Butter

© 2012 hellobutter

 

 

 

Hello Butter Proud

March 30, 2012

I can hardly breathe through the proud of this moment…

There are a lot of moments through out life  that are hard on a mother’s heart. Sending a son off to boot camp ranks high on that list.
Such a flood of emotions swirled  around this day. I am so proud of the young man that stood shoulders back and right hand raised to swear an oath to his country.

Letting go has been easier to write than live. Since this post: https://hellobutter.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/letting-goletting-god/ I have been riding the waves of emotion. I am excited for my oldest to be embarking on a new adventure but, sorry that another season of life has quickly passed.


A bittersweet time for a mothers heart as we say goodbye to boys in search of manhood. I look at the beauty of seasons past  trying  to imagine the next moments of motherhood, finding new ways to be joyful in all things.

Wrapping my arms around him knowing when I see him again, all boy will have slipped away. Tears were proud, joyful and a tiny bit sad. Sad only because I love being a mom to babies and now my baby is all grown.

We have to say good bye to days of past and to boys of young so that we may live in the fullness of life that God has planned. See gifts of beauty in the eyes of a son no matter how grown,no matter the season.

Semper Paratus~Always ready. Always ready to see God, always ready to live full.

Hello God in all the seasons…Hello Butter

Almost Amish Life for Me

March 17, 2012

We love Amish country. Love the food, the scenic country side, the simplicity of life. After every visit we come home refreshed with a renewed passion for living simple.
As technology grows, I am getting spoiled by the convenience of all it offers. Too spoiled! So, I’ve decided we are going to attempt a tech free life for a few weeks.
My kids need to join our family a little more and walk away from phones, ipads, ps3 and all the likes of. However, I have to practice what I preach. I will shut down all things involving the net. I will only check emails & such once a day in the evening. I will also be writing about it in that hour, but that is all. No surfing, no searching, no chatting, facebooking, twittering, or pinning!

I am choosing to focus these last few days as a family of six under one roof, on exactly that…Family!  I am hoping to become almost Amish for  just a little while. I’ll come back to the internet after I’ve been refreshed and renewed by the simplicity. 

 This is also part of letting go and letting God.~Always Ready to see Him in all things.  I know He will be present in all the fullness living simple has to offer.

So, today I am saying goodbye technology,

Hello God & Family Time… Hello Butter

 

 

Images Courtesy of Kaptured by Kelly

© 2012 hellobutter

Letting Go~Letting God

March 15, 2012

I remember a tiny hand so chubby with dimples where knuckles should be. How I loved rubbing my hand over those dimples, holding so softly, fingers laced gentle into mine. Holding onto memories of chubby, days of baby and mothering love abound. Traveling toward a new adventure of letting go.

 A firstborn child is a mother’s first love. Like the rising of a beautiful sun in the early morning hours, touching all the dark places of night. Filling the world full of brightness in places that have been asleep. A mother’s love is touched by the first born light. A love that awakened so many sleeping places of my young heart. And now that baby, child, man is leaving for his own adventure. He will touch new places of the world, leaving his light where it may have once been dark. And as much as I want to be selfish and grab hold tight of that once chubby dimple hand, I have to let go and let God.

He will be called a Guardian. The Guardian Ethos reads with words of protect, defend, save and shield. Semper Paratus~Always Ready.

 I can only let this child’s fingers slip from mine, if I know God is, was and always will be steadfast in the holding, embracing of his once chubby, dimple filled hand. The tears will well and the heart will sting, but I will let go and let God. Let go and let God guide Him in the adventure of life in the Coast Guard. How he has been made ready for this. My oldest has always been a big brother, full of protecting and responsibility. God has made him for this guardian life.

I will soon say the hardest goodbye a mother’s heart will bear. Goodbye to dimpled hands and shining firstborn light. My heart aching but steadfast with faith.  I may not say good bye, my heart can’t take it. Instead I will say…Hello God~always ready Guardian of our lives, embrace his dimpled hand along with my heart. Help me be always ready to let go and let God.

Always Ready saying Hello God…Hello Butter

 

 

Let God Google

March 6, 2012

Did you vote today?

 I like to know as many facts as possible about anything that relates to Claire’s diagnosis. So, when I first found out about Claire’s birth defect, you can imagine my fingers flying across a computer keyboard searching for as much information my 32 week pregnant brain would allow. I was starving for all there was to know about this child I was carrying, before she made an entrance into the world. I wanted to be over prepared for anything that would present itself through the illness we were facing.
Little did I know, five years later I would still be searching/researching and preparing ways to manage this ride of life! Not only do I stay current on the latest medical news available, new drugs, new therapies etc, I also enjoy searching for other families dealing with similar issues. I think when adjusting to chronic illness it helps to find all kinds of support systems. Some times that support may come from strangers that have been found on line.

I truly believe that God introduces people in life to help when you need it most, even if this help is via the net. However, there are times that I can have information overload. I can not spend all my time on Google searching and forget the most important form of support is God himself. It is a fine balancing act but if I keep God first that balance is always kept even. Some days I turn off the computer and let God “Google” me. I let God search all of me. It is one of the ways God communicates to my heart. I am forever searching for ways to become closer to Him, intently listening to His whispers.

This is one of the reasons I am in the Circle of Moms contest. I have already met families that are treading the same path we are. There is so much inspiration from some of the other blogs listed on this site; I am humbled to be included. I am looking forward to meeting more through this group of women. Six million moms belong to the Circle of Moms, now that’s a lot of support!

I am hoping you will include me in your voting this Super Tuesday. (Only two days left) I will not be reminding anyone on Facebook or Twitter today because it is one of those days I am letting God Google.

For the rest of today I am turning off the internet and saying:

Goodbye computer…Hello Butter 

It’s a close race every vote counts!

Finding Joy

February 28, 2012

Butter Joy @ our fingertips!

It’s no secret that I think the key to a happy life is living full  in each moment. We have lived full moments in all situations since Claire’s birth, good, bad, scary, sad. I absorb each feeling, wrap my heart around these fleeting spaces of time  letting them soak into my being. The bad, sad, and scary force me to call on the name of my Savior. I let Him wash over me to get me through those dark times. 

But what about when all is well?

When I am having happy times do I still call on my Christ in times of plenty? Yes, I do! We are having a seizure free season of life now (thank you Ketogenic diet) and I want to continue to live it full. One new adventure to help us experience all the Happy life has to offer, is try something new.

Sled Hockey!

Megan, born with Spina Bifida, sails across the ice to get the puck!(This is what I think Claire will look like,this is Megan. See the link for more)
http://www.livingwellwithadisability.org/2012/01/sled-hockey-put-your-disability-on-ice/

I find that when life is traveling along at the super  high rate of speed it tends to go, I can easily get into the rut of everyday normal. It’s important to make small efforts to include more joy in life. The reward is a better quality of life and a better heart for living happy. We have first hand knowledge of how quickly life can go from good to bad. Epilepsy can do that to a life.

As I talk of finding  joy to make our days better, a neighboring northeast Ohio community,much like my own, suffers the most horrific tragedy of a fatal school shooting…and their joy is being sucked right out of life. It  makes this topic ever more important. Finding the joy in this moment because it may quickly be lost. Hold on tight to living full joy, break out of winter blues and everyday ruts. Keep God first, pray hard, and maybe we will find you on an ice rink, finding a new moment of happy, dressed in helmet, pads and on a sled chasing smiles around with a hockey stick.

As we begin a small new adventure of finding all the joy God has for us we say:

Goodbye everyday ruts…Hello Butter

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